I have many regrets in life.
I sometimes wonder how different life would be if i could go back in time and correct them: I wish that I could tell her to have a second professional opinion, I could have said ‘no’ to him when he handed ‘it’ to me, I could have had the courage to talk about what they did to me when I was young, I wish that I had asked him what was the problem when we were summoned to his office, I wish that I had followed the advice I gave to others, I wish that I was gentler to myself… there’s so much that I committed or that I omitted over the years and I regret them in equal measure.
I genuinely have recurring nightmares in which I relive those events. The scenarios vary but I always find myself trying to get back here, to now. Maybe the recurring dreams are my opportunity to travel back in time. Well, not only travelling back in time but succeeding into changing history and realising that I sometimes feel happy now. Maybe the past should be left where it belongs: there. Well, they’re also the reason I am where I am now.
Recently I also thought that because we are a result of our beliefs, events cannot be avoided - maybe they can only be postponed. If somethings is meant to happen, they will happen. So, does that mean that if I change what I want to change, there will be always something else that I will feel the need to change? Does that mean that all I would be doing is to change the goalposts? Is destiny the inevitable direction I will take as a result of my beliefs?
